The REAL Nemedian Chronicles

This a little something that creeped up on Yahoo's Robert E. Howard Comics Group that I'm a member of. I share it here now and hope that it tickles you the same way it did me...

EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE CONAN TALES

When you think that a naked wench cavorting in the snow is too good
to be true - you're probably correct.

Giving someone flowers is rightfully considered a hostile action.

The Vilayet Sea is apparently the only known natural source of
Simian Growth Hormone.

It is never a good idea to give in to the impulse to flaunt your
Ophidian Ring-Bling before the servants.

Judges in any day and age just don't understand that the legal
phrase "contempt of court" might not have as passive a context as
they'd prefer.

The "Uni-bomber" existed in the Hyborian Age; his name was Thoth-
Amon.

Forgiveness is for wussies. All scores should be settled in
bloodletting. Or cesspool tossing.

A severed head is considered an aphrodisiac.

I bet Conan gets a sympathy twinge in his wrists every time he has
to ask an innkeeper to "put him up" for the night.

The quickest way into a girl's pants is to crush the air out of her
while covering her lips with kisses. For some odd reason this isn't
considered sexual harassment.

Thog would be a big hit at B&D and S&M soirées.

Stygian pythons are the cats of the Hyborian Age world.

Pampered princess's have a more highly developed danger sense than
wilderness bred barbarians.

White Boo-tay is to die for.

That old fantasy where a "giant python" is jutting from between your
legs doesn't seem as funny when it turns and looks at you.

"First Mate" is the job's actual description, and you get a free lap
dance as a signing bonus.

"A sponge soaked with gall-spiked wine? Luxury! I hadda make do with
a mouthful of bloody vulture feathers, and I was glad for it!"
(apologies to Monty Python)

**************



Originally posted by Dale Rippke